Moving On
by Its-MissAnonymous
Summary: "Do you still think about him? ... "Everyday."  CM Punk/OC


Eliana Richards stood outside of the two story home in Chicago, Illinois and shivered as the cold winter breeze hit her. She stuck her hands in the pockets of her jacket and sighed, looking up at the house as memories came flooding of the times spent while living there.

Her boots made imprints on the snow as she walked up to the front door; she stood there for a couple of minutes, contemplating on her next decision. She had two choices, ring the doorbell or turn around and forget everything. The second choice seemed the best but she knew that if she didn't get through with this now, it'd haunt her for the rest of her life.

Eliana's finger rang the doorbell and she sighed again, trying to control the butterflies in her stomach. What was ten seconds seemed like ten minutes to her, in where she was about to turn around and head back. Her thought process was interrupted when the front door opened and she was face to face to the man of her past.

No words were said, just a look of surprise from him and a nervous look from her. The tension immediately made its presence between them, and they both felt the weight of it.

"Hi." She spoke, her voice shaky.

"Eliana ... Wh-what are you doing here?"

"That's a good question ... I should leave, this was a mistake." She turned around to walk away but his hand stopped her.

"No wait ... I'm just ... surprised that's all."

"I don't blame you. I'm sorry for just showing up."

He noticed her shiver and decided it would be wrong to leave her in the cold like that, "Well at least come in, it's freezing."

The brunette was hesitant for a while but decided to go in; she was starting to not feel her fingers. The moment she passed the threshold, more memories came rushing back to her and she felt wrong, she felt guilty.

Taking off her boots she looked around the living room, "You painted. It looks nice."

"Thanks. I was never a fan of that cream colour."

"I know. This suits you." She said following him deeper into the living room, looking at the brown coloured walls.

"Your hair, you cut it."

"For a storyline."

"It looks good." She observed his new haircut, she liked it. Not more than the length of his hair before, but it wasn't a bad change.

"Thanks. So uh ... can I get you something to drink or something?"

"No no, I won't be here long. I just ... I don't know why I'm here actually." She half laughed, half sighed nervously as she sat on the edge of the couch, afraid to sit properly in fear of the memories swallowing her whole.

He didn't say anything, he just stared at her. Her hazel eyes shifted down to the couch she was sitting on, she lightly put her hand on it and was immediately reminded of all their sexcapades and Thursday nights at home, cuddling while catching up on Dexter that took place on that very couch.

"When did you get back in town?" His voice broke the silence.

"Last week. I'm visiting my sister."

He nodded in response; he played with his lip ring contemplating on what to say.

"How have you been?" He asked, he figured he'd continue with the light talk.

"Pretty good ... you?"

"Same."

Eliana tucked her hair behind her ear and decided that it was time to go. She got what she wanted, to see him. She had already crossed the line when she walked in the house and didn't want to open back up anymore wounds. Getting up from her spot on the couch, she started zipping her jacket back up, "I should get going."

The man sighed, "Why are you really here?"

She stopped in her tracks and turned around to face him, "I just wanted to see you. It's been a while."

"Three years since you left me, actually."

"I know, I know. I haven't forgotten."

"So why are you here now?" He asked; his annoyance present.

"It's hard Phil. Way harder than you think."

"I know it's hard Eliana okay? I fucking know it is. You're not the only one who lost someone. I lost my son too." His voice was bitter, and it cut her like a knife.

Her eyes welled up with tears, _**his son – their son**_. It happened almost four years ago but she remembered like it was yesterday:

_She had woken up that morning unusually rested. Their five month old son's last feeding had been at five o'clock in the morning which was strange because he usually woke them up two to three times more after that. She turned over to Phil and kissed him good morning before heading over to Jax's crib across their bed. The second she looked down at her son she knew something was wrong. He didn't look the same, he was pale – his little body limp. She stroked his cheek, hoping her assumptions were wrong but when she touched his cold skin she started screaming._

_Within the next couple of seconds, Phil had taken Jax out of his crib, placed him onto the bed and performed CPR while Eliana called 911. The ambulance didn't take long to arrive, and after numerous times of trying to resuscitate the infant, Jax Michael Brooks was pronounced dead, another tiny victim to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome._

_That was the day they both changed as people, and as a couple. They didn't talk to each other anymore; they had turned from a couple into roommates. The depression, the angst, the pain, the tears was all too much for her and she decided it would be better for the best of them if they weren't together. Eliana needed time to heal, so she packed up her bags and moved to Arizona to be with her parents. That was the last time Phil saw her._

"But it's different! You don't understand. I carried him for nine months, I gave birth to him!" She yelled through tears.

"Are you listening to yourself right now? Are you fucking serious? Like he wasn't my kid, like I didn't hurt?"

"Digging yourself into work is hurting? Being gone almost the whole week is grieving?"

"What about you leaving? Is that supposed to be some sick kind of grieving?"

"When I lost Jax, I lost everything!" The yelling continued.

"You lost everything? What about me? You fucking had me! I was here for you, and you left me!" He yelled back. She saw the tears in his eyes, and she knew he was beyond hurt.

Eliana sat back down on the couch and buried her head in her hands, sobbing. Her reaction made him soften, "Look, I'm sorry. It's just ... it didn't just happen to you okay?"

"Oh god, I can't believe I even came. I'm sorry Phil. I just needed to see you, see how you were. I didn't come to fight with you. I regret it all, leaving, not calling, not visiting. I just couldn't deal with it."

Phil sighed, he ran his hands through his short hair and sat down next to her. "I know loosing Jax changed everything, but I'm sorry I ever made you feel alone. You didn't have to deal with it by yourself."

"I just felt so guilty, I felt like it was my fault. That you blamed me for his death."

"Why would I blame you?" He asked.

"I don't know, I just miss him you know? I thought the pain would end, but I still carry it with me, every day." She stood up.

"I know Eliana, I know. But it wasn't your fault, you can't prevent something like SIDS. I've come to terms with it, but it still hurts. I would never have any hate towards you, we were together for years, you gave me the best present in the world. You let me be a father, you gave me Jax."

"I'm sorry Phil. I'm so sorry." Eliana cried.

He stood up and pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her back to soothe her sobs. "I'm sorry too Eliana. I really am."

She stood back and wiped the tears from her eyes, "I should go."

Phil nodded and looked at her, "See you around?"

They both knew the answer to his question, but he decided to ask anyways. They were too broken to co-exist with each other again. Although the visit brought back painful memories, Phil was glad she showed up. It was the closure they both needed to move on with their lives.

She looked up at him and smiled through tears while putting her boots back on, "Bye Phil."

"Bye Eliana."

She opened the door but before walking out she turned around and stared into his green eyes, "Do you still think about him?"

"Every day."

Eliana softly smiled and said, "Me too." before walking out the front door, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. She needed this; she had needed this since the day she left that two story home in Chicago, Illinois. She had been halfway down the entrance when she heard the door open and Phil's voice yell "Wait!"

The brunette turned around and before she could get a word out, Phil's lips were planted against hers. Their bodies melted against each other as he wrapped his arms around her waist. They parted ways but their foreheads rested against each other. "I'll always love you." She whispered, and with that she walked away from him and into her car. He walked back inside and let out the breath he felt he had been holding in all these years.

As she drove back to her sister's house, she let the tears run down her cheeks as she looked at Jax's baby shoes hanging from her rear view mirror she put up in honour of his death, and said "I love you babyboy."


End file.
